index

Security

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 17:41:48 +0100

I'm excited about this new band and how I might be able to play some sort of role in it. I keep wondering if I could perhaps be a security guard. This would mean I could be in a prominent position - say where I was before on the amp. If the audience gets over excited and starts throwing themselves at the band I could use my special arm swings which I used for binge drinkers in the street when I was in the police to fend them off. I could also safe guard the equipment when the band have their breaks as they are highly irresponsible and go off to have a drink leaving everything just sitting there and waiting to be tampered with.

Buffalo sat smirking when I was telling him this the other day. He said that all bands leave equipment when they go off to have a drink - but I think he's wrong. Also he said I would make a good mascot for the band to which of course Blakeney giggled. I really think those two have got something wrong with them sometimes....,

Sunglasses

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 18:31:09 +0100

Here I am in my new sunglasses which C personally designed and made for me. I couldn't find any small enough for me which actually looked good as well. These I think make me look quite cool with just an element of toughness which gives me an edge when I'm out at work.

One small boy who is known to this household said that a lady he knew wore sunglasses all the time and this must mean she was very rich. For me wearing sunglasses goes much deeper than just merely appearing rich or cool. My life in detective work and helping the police out can become stressful. Basically I sometimes need some space and behind the glasses I can hide for a while shaded from public attention when I want to chill out.

I have been spending a lot of time with my boxing just lately, just chilling my head. Buffalo watches languidly, but sometimes I think I catch him grinning and then Blakeney stifles a giggle. If I confronted them they would just say I was being paranoid or something. If this is what I have to put up with then I'm going to need more privacy when I practise my boxing - because I love it, and I could be really good.

I am also following a new band and have joined them on a gig which is really exciting and I am hoping that a job might be created for me - (which is more than those two idiots have done just recently). I had a prime position on the amplifier (see picture) and really felt good in my shades - watch this space for more on this - its gonna be interesting.........,

Like a coiled spring

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:05:31 +0100

I liken myself to a coiled spring, ready and waiting in the wings to pounce at a moments notice. For the work I do for Bill I have to be mentally alert, focussed and patient. I will be waiting and observing for hours at a time taking in every detail and then suddenly I will have to move - and if I am not physically fit - all the surveillance work will be lost.

I know for instance that 'boy racers' who constantly upset local residents with their car racing do not come from this town. Now, how do I know that? Well, this is because I can see them from my various look out points. Here size is definitely not an issue - it is an advantage. I will for instance sit on a lamp post where the boys can't see me then leap into the boy's car so fast as not to be seen and hide. This way I gain more information than if Bill was on his own trying to get the information he needs. I know loads of things that go on in this town but I never get any recognition. This I think is because I am really an undercover agent, and in this respect I have to remain secretive and let others take the glory.

Being able to move fast and leap about after crouching in one place is incredibly important. I must keep fit , keep my arms and upper torso strong for swinging, and yet be athletic in my ability to sprint at speed. Boxing is really good both for improving mental agility, endurance and pace. I am trying to improve my left and right arm swing and I must say it has been a great help that B likes to spar regularly with C, particularly when cooking in the kitchen. B thinks she is really good at boxing but it actually shows me how poor some people are at this sort of thing. To begin with she looks quite good - with all the right moves, and posturing etc., then C makes a move towards her and she runs off. She turns her back on her opponent - how stupid is that?

I think C would be good to practise with - just him and me as I think he has the right attitude and just needs me to bring it out a bit by showing him some new moves, but the potential is definitely there. Boxing really seems to help these bad boys and also I wouldn't need to report him as he's quite a good mate really. Perhaps C and I should have a fitness regime with boxing and square-bashing outside in the yard such as is done in the army. Some weight lifting could be added. Buffalo seems quite keen but I don't really think he's got it in him - after years of dossing around he'd just collapse. He could join in with very gentle stretches if he wants to I suppose.

Blakeney and Buffalo

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 14:10:48 +0100

I think I'm pretty ambitious and quite energetic really - unlike my mates Blakeney and Buffalo. They like to sit around mostly on top of the chest of drawers and watch life go by them. Buffalo is pretty laid back really. He actually is from Buffalo in New York State, but since coming here he just seems to doss around. I like him though - he finds me funny (which I like), and is a good listening ear when things get rough. Blakeney is a seal pup from Norfolk - very sweet. quite quiet - doesn't like too much responsibility. This is us just chilling out on a rare occasion when they decided to venture out.

Obviously living such sheltered lives they are a million miles away from the sort of stuff Peter Crouch or myself face on a daily basis because of our ambition and drive to succeed. They know nothing of the rough and tumble of life out there and coping with size issues. Chilling out with Blakeney and Buffalo is great after the conflict and edge, although I still don' t understand their lack of motivation. They seem so happy just to be.

Peter Crouch and me

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 12:47:27 +0100

Peter Crouch is a great lad for me to aspire to! Last night when he scored that goal when playing against the Ukraine team, the commentator said he had been given the 'nod' by the England Manager. I suppose Peter feels popular with him now. He's popular with me because if size is not an issue for him - then why should it be for me?

Lots of people used to be rude about Peter when they thought he was too tall and lanky for football and shout stuff out when he played. He stuck with it and kept going with the game he loved - even when people laughed. They're laughing over the other side of their faces now though - ha,ha,ha! I was laughed at when I was in the police - although it was always behind my back. I used to see them when they thought I wasn't looking, bent over double giggling in a huddle usually when I was using the special 'swing/propeller' tactics which when coupled with some chest beating served as a useful deterrent to ward off fist fights outside pubs. I seemed to be doing it all single handed - and all they could do was stand and giggle instead of doing their job. I think I have a lot in common with Peter - and I share with him the need to just grit my teeth and get on with it. They'll laugh over the other side of their faces - mark my words. They'll see me in the future and wish I was still working with them.

I might decide not to report C this week because in my view he would never say a thing like B just said, "Mind you, the difference is that Peter Crouch actually scores a goal - but poor old George tends to blow it......." If anything this has made me more determined to follow Peter and show them all!! Also B knows actually nothing about football - she makes really stupid comments during games sometimes which makes you realise that she hasn't got a clue what is going on. She can't even follow a game while C is serious and knowledgeable and really knows what he is talking about. I would have loved to have played with C when he used to play 5 a side football, I bet he was really good. He would appreciate some of my tactics and certainly my approach to the game. I think I'm a bit of a Rooney really:- one moment - 'short fuse' and the next - 'leadership qualities'. Now I think C would really understand that and say if he was a football manager he would bring out the best in me and give me the encouragement and breaks I needed to get really good, instead of just calling me "littlun" or "cor, you're little" like some might. He's a good lad - C - knows what he wants and what he's talking about - no, definitively no report to Bill Bold this week.

observation - and binge drinkers

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 17:59:18 +0100

Observation, observation, observation:- that is my motto. A most important and valuable skill particularly for those who wish to become detectives - a job to which C definitely does not aspire. Ha! - only the other day when PC Nick Popp came to the house on a routine visit - C did not recognise him even though he had met him earlier in the month when the PC had visited over another issue. PC Nick Popp has been, and still is a most valuable friend and colleague of mine. I was shocked and embarrassed at C - he probably looked at him really blankly when he opened the door. I didn't get to speak to PC Nick Popp that day preferring to stay out of the way upstairs on the bedside table (please see picture).

I don't know if PC Nick Popp knows that I lost my job due to apparently getting under police feet. I bet the officer who complained was one of those drafted in on a busy Friday night session when I was helping to round up binge drinkers in the town centre. I'm sure that was it! To be frank I can't face PC Nick Popp since I was, as B so politely put it, "given the push". I think PC Nick Popp saw my potential and believed in me. He tipped off the local resident's association chairman, Bill Bold that I was particularly handy at surveillance and might be of use to the local residents. Bill said I should keep an eye on a few 'characters' in the town and I should start with "that bloke in your house". I think he means C as he is the only bloke in the house. I said I would report back on a regular basis.

I can't help wondering, although maybe not - whether PC Nick Popp knew what was going to happen with my job helping the police, and this new job is a sort of compensation - sort of keeping me happy in a 'feeling sorry for me' sort of way. I really really enjoyed it with the police - there was an edge. Friday night in the town centre with me leaping over the vans, hanging on and then throwing myself between the handbags of the drunk screaming girls, knocking the alcohol out of their hands with one well aimed jump - get between the fighting by self propellation in a chaotic way from shoulder to shoulder - thus confusing them (they didn't know where to aim their drunken fists). All this so the police were left free to do their job - I was good and they knew it - so did PC Popps...., So Why, why, why???????

On the beat

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 16:50:10 +0100

I think I'm more popular than C - for instance I'm very much 'in' with the local constabulary and the head of the residents' association. I worked for the local constabulary for a while but I think size was an issue (although they wouldn't say that to my face), but I had the 'nack' for surveillance etc., This is me in action - on the job....,

B said she thinks one of the reasons I got the push was over enthusiasm "like the sheepdog in Thomas Hardy's 'Far from the Madding Crowd' who sent Farmer Gabriel's sheep off the cliff due to over enthusiasm" she said. My problem I think was a report was sent in that I kept tripping the police up when on the beat or having to take chase - I once heard one of them say that he liked me but didn't want to partner me on the beat as I 'got under his feet', which was a bit of an exageration as I usually don't run on the ground preferring to propel myself with my arms over buildings, cars and the such like - but I think it was my size - but of course they didn't say that and I actually didn't get 'the push' as B said,I just didn't get through the probation. Anyway the above shot was taken when I was on a particularly edgy job requiring me to hang precariously for hours at a time looking into the garden down below - and I was given this assignment - a 'special assignment' because of my powers of observation.